Band Rules For The Road

Noah Mintz posted a brilliant piece on his Facebook page called Band Rules To Abide By that was originally written by Brendan Canning with help from Noah and Mark Bartkiw.

Let's face it, no matter what kind of music you play or whether you're in a band from the 50's, 70's, 90's, or 2020, there are some experiences on the road that are timeless. This post nicely illustrates many of them, although some of the items are a bit too inside the band to understand.

My favorites:

1a) Never take directions verbatim; interpretation is the key, especially when dealing with cute young hippie girls, stoned lads and/or lasses...Americans in general.

2b) All You Can Eat – not necessarily a good thing (more often than not a bad thing).

2e) Seafood – best to stay away from when the nearest body of water cannot be seen.

3a) Never trust someone who says:
• “Dude, I got tons of room, plenty of couches.”
• “Don't worry, my husband is away on business.”
• “I love singers...I mean really.”
• “My roommates won't stay up too late.”
• “Dude, you gotta hear our new demo. It kicks ass!”

4d) Be wary of these phrases:
• “Well, after I found God...”
• “Would you like to go for a coffee?” (At 2AM)
• “Wanna see my suit of armour?”
• “Have you seen my crack pipe around?”
• “No, I'm not hungover. I think I'm getting sick.”
• “Whad'ya mean? She was at least fifteen.”
• “So what? You's guys don't wake and bake?”

5a) Always ask how long coffee has been sitting for.
b) Try to keep to a maximum of four cups per day.

7c) Beware of signs that say:
• “Leave Biker Colours Outside”
• “Ladies Drink for Free (and/or any other Ladies Nite gimmicks)”
• “No Confetti Allowed”
• “No Gays”
• “NRA Member”
• “Drink Specials All Night”

8d) If the band sucks, but they're nice, here are some handy phrases to help you get by:
• “You guys were really tight!”
• “Wicked light show!”
• “Wow! You guys were really loud!”
• “The sound was great.”
• “Sorry I missed your set but I had the trots.”
• “Sorry I missed your set. How did it go?”
• “Sorry I missed your set but the server at the restaurant was so slow.”
• “Oh man, I didn't realize you were going on so early. Shit!”
• “Hey, how was the sound on stage?”
• “Did you have fun?”

Read the entire list on Noah's Facebook page.

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